i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
