see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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