She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize