how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
