I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
