but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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