worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
