There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
