Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
