From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
