I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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