I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize