I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
