I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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