I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
