Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What a dumb baby whore.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize