I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
