the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
