why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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