There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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