Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
