ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
