After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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