You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize