The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
