im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
