I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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