some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have post one night stand depression
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
