Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
