Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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