I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize