I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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