my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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