Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
