If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
