there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
