She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
