now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The ass gains better be worth it
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