fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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