That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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