my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
