Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
