Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
