Im at strip club and am horny
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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