I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
