Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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