Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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