guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
