great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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