6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize