I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
