I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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