Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
