We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
