So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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