do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Semen is not good for contacts.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
