I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
