I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
