I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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