i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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