I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
