John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
